Dec 20, 2009

Tiger's Wood: The Long Drive

The Tiger Woods scandal is almost, ALMOST as entertaining as O.J. was 15 years ago. But O.J. still reigns supreme as the crack of true-crime TV drama.

However, no one ever considered making an O.J. porn movie after it was all over. That would have been in extremely poor taste, to say the least. Can you imagine?

Not so with Tiger Woods. I mean, the guy already has a porn star name, and was screwing ACTUAL PORN STARS! Is there any way this could NOT become a porn flick?

Tiger's Wood: The Long Drive is reportedly in production. Mary Elizabeth Williams, writer for Salon magazine, has the best snide, barbed, tongue-in-cheek quips about the whole Tiger "affair" that I've had the pleasure to read. About the impending Tiger porno, she writes, "That's right, pornography is at last going to explore the issue of black men getting it on with well-endowed blondes." Classic!

Other Williams jewels include:
  • "In short, Woods appears to have more paramours than Nadya Suleman has babies. No wonder he announced Friday he's taking 'an indefinite break from golf.' If half of what's been claimed about the guy is true, we applaud him for still having the energy to type that message on his Web page."

  • "Truly, it's like striking tabloid oil. It's pretty tough to strike oil, however, without getting coated in a slick layer of suffocating goo."

  • "And, at last count, 12 other women who may have been on the receiving end of the golf pro's legendary stroke."
I feel bad for the guy. OK, that's a lie. What I really feel bad about is that I'm getting a vicarious thrill out of Tiger's exploits (how many guys WOULDN'T love to nail a few dozen hot skanks?) AND I'm enjoying watching his upstanding, squeaky-clean image get dragged though the mud. A friend mentioned "schadenfreude" recently. That's exactly what it is.
    Sorry, Tiger! I'm (mostly) glad I'm not you!

    1 comment:

    1. HAAA.
      I can't wait for that porn. Can't.Wait.

      I hate him for a plethora of reasons [currently one of the mountains in my town is being ripped to shreds to build a lovely Tiger endorsed golf course, buh-bye, natural beauty.]
      A little part of my likes to believe it's some kind of karma. He doesn't deserve pornstars scot-free.