WHY Do I Keep Talking About Jesus?!

I did my usual morning trip down to the market after I got up. There's a young black guy who works the counter some mornings. He's one of those cherubic type people who radiates relaxation and good vibes. This evokes in me a combination of curiosity and suspicion. I'm not sure how to engage happy people because I don't understand their motivations.

Even so, I've gradually gotten to know this guy a little over the last few months. He's just so approachable, even I can approach him. We got into a discussion about faith and power struggles in the Christian Church. This is amazing to me, because it seems like everywhere I go, I end up talking with people about Jesus. How the fuck this happens is beyond me. I am NOT a Christian. I despise religion and I question whether there is a God or if He's something we had to make up so that we could bear to keep on living. I am very judgmental about "people of faith" in the traditional Christian sense, although I do believe everyone has to have faith in something, even atheists.

One thing I will say though is that the Christians I've somehow been talking about Jesus with without wanting to fucking throw up have been really nice people. I've only encountered (so far) the more modern Christians who don't try to force it down your throat. At least not directly. American Christianity has learned its collective lesson about the high fail rate of the "Old Time Gospel Hour" style of fire and brimstone preaching that nowadays just makes more people hate Christians. I'd call Christianity's current style of conversion advertising rather than proselytizing. They still want your money though.

Anyway, the counter guy is of the opinion that the division in the Church and the reason why there's so many churches is because of money. That instead of bringing people together like Jesus supposedly talked about, the Church is more about business than people. On this we agree. But I don't know that the Church being more about money than about people is necessarily a bad thing.

Maybe the reason I'm meeting so many Christians lately is because I'm interested in them. They pretty much rule the Western World and I feel it behooves me to understand them. What motivates them? What drives them? What do they think and why do they think it? Where are their blind spots and weaknesses? And how can they be manipulated?

Hey baby! Wanna do the nasty?

One thing that's clear about the black counter dude is that he's one of the people who believes Jesus was perfect, the "Perfect Man". That Jesus never made mistakes. That Jesus never did anything wrong. That he was never afraid, never unsure, never confused. That he never did anything he was ashamed of, or kept secrets he hoped no one ever found out about. And that he was never, EVER tempted to have a full-on gang-bang with a bunch of those prostitutes he hung out with, preferably someplace where God wouldn't see what he was up to.

Along with its sneaky conversion tactics, this is the other big thing that turns me off about Christianity, this belief in an infallible God. And it's such, blind, unquestioning believe too! That's the creepiest thing about it. That despite Jesus supposedly being simultaneously fully Divine AND fully human, he was/IS somehow still perfect. And that if we will only ask ourselves "What Would Jesus Do", we can also become perfect.

Oh, to be sure, our perfection probably won't come during our Earthly existence. After all, we're all sinners (except for Jesus). But if we do our pathetic best to follow His example (sob!), and live out our poor sinners' existence allowing Him to guide us (gasp!), it's guaranteed we will FINALLY reap the rewards of ultimate perfection when we get to Heaven. Can I get a big Hallelujah right now?

Christians of the "Jesus Was Perfect" ilk, I've got news for you: your dreams of perfection are all bullshit. Nothing can save you from your human imperfections. Not even Jesus. Not even death itself.

Jesus wasn't perfect. There is no "perfect man". If Jesus was a manifestation of the Divine in fully human form, then he was Divinely imperfect. He was afraid. He was tempted. And he was probably even ashamed about some things. And he made some BIG mistakes. And he knew it too.

I have to congratulate you modern Christians on your new approach to winning souls and filling the coffers of Heaven with cash. From a pure marketing point of view, I perversely admire the subtle and sophisticated way you've developed to continue fleecing people out of their money.

I still despise your religion, though. One thing that hasn't changed is your unquestioning obedience to a perfect God. And your unspoken craving to be perfect yourselves.

I also have to congratulate you on one more thing: you've made Jesus into a God only a saint could relate to.

What do you think about the idea of a "Perfect Jesus"? Please talk about it below. I love your comments!